Sunday, 2 February 2014

That grinds my gears: B-rap mentality

Two weeks ago or so I saw this "Brap - Bike - Rap" video. It wasn't anything special, two girls fooling around, doing something slightly silly but definitely enjoying themselves, thinking they have some good reason for doing it. I really could not care less, watched it and moved on. Quite honestly I've seen or heard thousands of other things that felt under the category "I just wasted 4 minutes my life". I personaly think I waste much more of my time everyday in mental masterbation and I am pretty sure others do that as well, surfing on the dumb-phone, playing video games or watching  movies on TV.  So nothing to blame the girls really...

So again: the video itself wasn't anything special but the havoc it wrecked on internet forums was... fucking hilarious!!! As soon I scrolled down to see the comment boards boiling, I went back to Youtube and listened to it again, and again, and again... I felt immense joy as I listened to this "Brap" song, it became like a symphony to me, like Luciano Pavarotti singing Caruso. I felt such Schadenfreude - I imagined all the folks who got deeply disturbed by it: self proclaimed bad asses in race pyjamas, gopro wankers, blokes who frequently fill their Facebook timeline with videos of Brendog, Agassiz or Peaty, with subtitle "sick!" letting everyone know that this is the sport they are into, as if they could ride like that as well. I thought of all those people who think that the gravity side of mountain biking is the best thing ever, that Enduro or Downhill are the Formula 1 of cycling, that they are at the very pinnacle of extreme sports. I felt their pain while listening to that "brap" song. I wanted to send it to George Takei and beg him to post it on his Facebook timeline with the comment: "Mountain Biking is great and this is it in a nutshell".

For me "brap" video has pinched the bubble how cool and chilled out "we" are. Well - we aren't! We are all the things we that we accuse the bikers practising other disciplines of cycling - pricks! We thought so well of ourselves because Peaty drinks Stella after the race - we thought that he is cooler than Jaroslav Kulhavy disappearing to his tent after the XC race, or Alberto Contador going into his multi-million dollar team truck. We are so full of crap, we always were: the arrogant pricks who think they are awesome because they dare to do more on downhills or jumps where as roadies and XCers can only spin their cranks holding to their narrow bars. We assume that we have better riding technique than XCers, and even if we do get into spinning cranks it is only if there is no lift and uphilling is the necessary evil to get to the top of the downhill. We think we are the best because we focus on the most fun part: the descent. We think we are so open minded, yet we behave as if we were members of "26" Wheel Supremacy Association for Cultivation of the True Values the Proper Mountain Biking" shouting: "29ers are gay", "spandex is gay", "leg shavers", "lycra fags", we think that we are the real men! We are so manly, how many XCers or roadies grow beards or mustaches like Bulldog or Stevie Smith? I personally always thought that there are more "full-faces" that deserve smacking than shaved legs. An average gravity rider is nowhere close to being Peaty or Graves, he is an unfit woose, who rides faster than he can, uses way too much of way too soft suspension and all tech toys to cover up for his bad skills. He used to be a brake burner but now he has Saints or Codes that are super powerful and nearly fade free and he can run away with his stories, as long as it is not raining and you cannot hear his wet brakes squeal all the fucking time.

So get it you bad ass gravity boy: you are nowhere better than roadies and XCers, and if you have too much problem with that video you should learn to distance yourself. Get it that when you are out there with your best mates talking crap of others, they are somewhere else doing the same about you. you despise them for one thing, and they despise you for another. Stop using others to boost your ego, just ride your bike, just buy your stuff online and don't think too much of yourself. Humility is a wonderful thing. Thank you girls for "debeiging" mountain biking! The fuinniest part for me is MTBers having this complex of being a childish version of MX, manifesting itself with frequent use of the term "braaap" to describe some sick riding! The girls ruined it... forever... and for good. Whenever I will see a comment on the internet where someone will say "braaaap",  i will say: you mean like that "bike-rap" video? mohahahahah! 

And well because I think I got a proof that "Gravity" MTBikers think too much of themselves, I feel that Waki-leaks is so much more needed! I feel I have a mission!

Arguably yours Wacek Kipszak

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